A Little Wiig Latin for your Spwiing Day

Some friends asked me to post my February Q column here so they could enjoy.  I read back through the post and noticed that the gray depression of February already seems to be a distant memory.  Salt Lake City got into the 70s today.  Put your Wii away.  Spring has sprung.


 Me.  Pre-Wii


Me in February.  Pre-Wii.


To fully appreciate this post, you should brush up on your Wiig Latin:
• Wii- bit:  an itty bitty teeny tiny or possibly a larger amount.  For example a Wii-bit of debt is the debt that occurs when one puts a Nintendo Wii on credit
• Injurwii:  An injury that occurs while playing the Wii.  Often occurs because of wooden floors, socks, and being a wii-bit of a clutz.
• A shopping sprwii – is a mad dash through the wii section of a store where you buy every possible Wii accessory you can imagine only to put it on plastic at the check-out stand thus incurring a wii-bit more debt.  
• The Wiikend:  When you spend Friday night through Sunday night doing nothing more than playing Wii.  
• Calorwii: the calories you burn playing Wii
• Wiikipedia: The entire collection of Wiig latin just waiting to be fully developed.  I’m sure the URL is still available.  
• Wiipressed:  Classified by small remote movement and a lack of Wii confidence generally.  Wiipressed individuals just need a little more wii exposure to get over their self-consciousness

Winter is unbearable every year. But it’s the kind of unbearable that sneaks up on me, like winter itself until finally February arrives and I realize I cannot get off the couch except to wander over to the heater to sip coffee while wrapped in a blanket allowing the warm air to encompass the blanket and wrap me in warmth. This February was particularly bad.  Still unemployed, there wasn’t even a commitment of 8 to 5 to get me off my ass. 

I sat on the heater for two hours on Valentine’s Day.  Finally warm, there was nothing that would get me up. I knew there were dishes to do, little boys in need of their mother, I hadn’t showered in days, and my partner had to be wondering what she saw in me in the first place.  Then Kim had an idea.  “Let’s buy a Nintendo Wii.  I think it’ll be good for you.”  We played the Wii a few weeks previous at her aunt’s house.  It was the most fun I had had all winter.  I argued that there wasn’t extra money to buy a Wii that we should wait until I got a job.  But Kim was determined to get me off my ass.  “Once you have a job, you won’t have the time to play the Wii.  Let’s get it.”

We spent the next 4 days stalking local Wii dealers but to no avail.  I decided to continue the search from the comforts of home.  On the heater still, this time with the phone, I called department stores, electronics stores, game stores but the Wii was in short supply.  I finally got an insider’s tip from a store employee and I showed up at the right time, left with a Wii and a credit card slip – just a “wii” bit of debt.  I stayed up into the “Wii” hours of the night bowling and playing baseball.  I was alive with video game endorphins that lasted for days.  But then another storm arrived with gray clouds and rain that turned to snow.  Even my new toy couldn’t keep me happy.  

This was the start of a two-week shopping spree dubbed a shopping “sprwii” by my partner and I.  We bought Mario, Shrek, and a game where you shoot plungers at rabbits – now that’s a cure for winter.

Whenever the heater called my name, I’d hop in the car to buy a second “wiimote”, a nunchuck, rechargeable batterwiis, more games, a box to store it all in.  This was my own form of wiitail therapy and it made the last part of Februawii bearable. 

When the credit card statement arrived, I realized that wiitail therapy had to end.  So I got busy with cheaper Wii endeavors.  I Wii-arranged the living room “wii proofing” it so we could avoid additional injurwiis.  My 6 year old faithfully wears his wiimote safety strap, but he has also been known to punch the television in a lapse of judgment and depth perception.  

When Spring truly arrives with its temperatures in the 60s, I will be outside to bask in the sunshine.  But until then, I will wiimain in my living room, burning a few more calorwiis than sitting on the heater, Wiing and waiting,  Wiiing and waiting, Wiing and waiting for Spring.



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2 Responses to “A Little Wiig Latin for your Spwiing Day”

  1. Chicory Says:

    we speak a slightly different dialect of Wiiglatin around here… we refer to injuries gained while wiiing as “wiinjuries” but other than that you hit the nail on the head, or should I say you hit the rabbit with the plunger right in the face!

  2. Carrie Says:

    This is one of the funniest things you have ever written (and I’ve read it all.)

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