I make milk…what’s your super power?

I actually saw that on a blog or a t-shirt or something, somewhere.  I hope it’s not copyrighted because I’m taking it.  I feel like I am honing in on my co-worker’s territory by blogging this.  I mean, she is the boob blogger, who am I to infringe on her turf?  But I have a particularly compelling boob story to share.

 

I make milk.  And I do this very well.  I’ve now made milk for 6 ½ years despite only nursing my children for a total of 2 of those years.  I can’t seem to STOP making milk.  A few years ago, upon hearing this information, my OB got concerned by this milk-making.  She ordered tests to confirm that my thyroid was doing its thing.  It was.  I just make milk.  When I was nursing, I made enough for my son and extra to pump and pass around to my friends’ child.  I made the mistake of trying to nurse him directly once.  I still don’t think he’s forgiven me.  I know I digress. 

 

This milk-making gets particularly troublesome when I am around babies as I have been lately.  I feel the itching in my armpits that always starts my let-down process.  And then wham…the flood.  If I get enough time, I can usually press the infant I am holding directly into my chest, or I can pass the baby off to someone else and compress my breasts with my arms to minimize the leak, the embarrassment, and well, additional laundry. 

 

On Saturday I noticed a lump.  I was reasonably freaked out.  I mean freaked out like I am always freaked out when I notice a lump but not TOTALLY freaked out since I have had to remove lumps 3 different times already and they’ve never been cancerous and it seems that besides making milk, these puppies also make lumps so while I noticed it, and even worried about not having insurance at my new job until August 1st, I moved on.

 

By Sunday morning the lump had tripled in size, had turned red and angry and was visibly warmer than the skin around the lump.  I had a deep ache from my armpit to the lump and I was scared.   I was by this time convinced that this MALIGNANT CANCER WAS THE FASTEST SPREADING CANCER IN THE KNOWN WORLD and that I would be dead by Labor Day.  After a deep breath, and a conversation with one of my best friend’s who just happens to be a nurse, I calmed down.  What I was experiencing sounded exactly like a blocked milk duct and with enough rest, heat compresses, and warm baths I might be able to avoid the full blown mastitis that I felt like I was on the verge of.  What is a NON-NURSING mother to do?  Shall I borrow back my breast pump to try to pump (nurse) the lump away?  Shall I suck up a non-insurance doctor visit knowing that I’ll get antibiotics that I hate?  And if I go to the Doctor and it is something terrible and serious I’ll just plan on bankruptcy because, well frankly, bankruptcy beats death. 

 

I’ve treated the area with moist heat now for 2 days and while it’s not worse it’s certainly not completely better.  No more babies people.  I love you little nephew but I can’t be around babies until the boobie stops misfiring. 

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7 Responses to “I make milk…what’s your super power?”

  1. Kelly B Says:

    your breast milk tastes like the leftover milk from honey nut cheerio’s…

    im not going to lie, it’s tasty!

    🙂

  2. political maven Says:

    if there’s a baby around…duck and cover!

  3. Carrie Says:

    My super power is finding sh**

  4. Valentino Says:

    Well you wanted a comment and I told you all I can say is…SICK PIG

  5. Eric Says:

    Buy a pump and advertise on Craigslist. You might as well make money at it.

  6. Matt Says:

    I know I’m six weeks late, but ew! Ew, ew ew!

    Super big yucky ew!

  7. Siera Says:

    A year late… better late than never… I’ve heard that any woman can produce milk even if she hasn’t had a baby it takes the suckling to bring the milk in. I am scared for when I wean my son. But I’ve always seemed to have just enough milk for him, nothing extra. My friends (twins) mother had so much milk that when she was pumping for them when they were in the NICU she supplied to whole NICU w/ milk. (In the early 80’s before HIV/AIDS was prevelant)

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