The Pink Epiphany

 

Can a person be so proud that they’re exhausted?  Pride was fantastic.  We connected with old and new friends and had an amazing time.

 

I’ve been meaning to write a post that spotlights one of my best friends.  And I haven’t done that yet.  She wrote a really sweet note to me a few months ago, and instead of being moved by it, I edited it. And even though I didn’t mean to, I hurt her feelings by noticing the “their” and “your” instead of the “they’re” and “you’re.”  See, I’m a bitch that way.  But today, I’m putting all grammar aside to give a shout out to my friend V.

 

I met her 5 years ago in Alamosa Colorado and even though we shot each other dirty looks the first time we met, we were friends within the week.

 

She has an uncanny way of making me feel beautiful and desirable and special and smart and important and lucky.  Kim and I have this running joke that if we broke up, there’d be dozens of girls waiting to sweep Kim off her feet.  Dozens.  In my corner, there’d be one.  Just V.  But that would be enough.

 

Over the last several months V. has agonized over issues of gender. I don’t want to put words in her mouth about what it’s been like or what her issues are exactly.  But it boils down to this:  V. may one day choose to undergo a sex reassignment surgery.  Let me try this again.  V. will likely soon start living as a man. V. has already begun living as a man in some circles.  

 

I haven’t been very supportive.  Not because I don’t love her.  Exactly because I do love her.  And I suck for it.  See, I’ve been sitting in the corner feeling bad that I’d have to lose a stunning lesbian in my life because of her transition.  But Pride woke me up this weekend to what Pride is all about.

 

This may sound completely crazy but my phone helped me get to a clearer understanding of my friend V.  All weekend people I know commented on my new cell phone.  They commented (with judgment) on my  phone being PINK.  And somehow I felt I understood V. more than ever before.  Coming out to me was about freeing myself from expectations of what others thought I should be, what I should like, the color of phone I’d choose.  Yet sometimes it seems I’ve traded that in for another set of expectations.  Only this time the lesbian set.  And here I was, imposing this same set of expectations on my best friend. 

 

I met another person this weekend, a trans woman who is beautiful, intelligent, and authentically herself.  She joked with me about putting on her lesbian power suit and accompanying me to lobby.  And there was nothing odd or inauthentic about her or her being a lesbian or having a lesbian power suit.   In fact, she was so comfortable in her skin, that I had a hard time ever imagining her trying to live life as a man.  Yet I imagine people believed her to be a man for many years.  The place that I had been getting hung up on was that I KNEW or at least THOUGHT I KNEW V. as a lesbian, and changing my conception of her to that of a man – straight or otherwise – was troubling me. But I realized this weekend that I know V. as V.  and that’s enough for me.  

 

(If my female pronoun seems out of place in this post, let me just clarify that V. is still asking for that pronoun from me for the time being.)  I’m sure he’ll be the hottest damn Latin transman the world has ever seen.  And if Kim and I ever split, I sure hope he’ll still be in my corner.

 

On another note, I have a son who – jealous that I got a pedicure today – used his own money tonight to buy himself sparkling fingernail polish.  I love him so freakin’ much.  

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3 Responses to “The Pink Epiphany”

  1. Mikey Says:

    Ruth,

    Thanks for your beautiful insight into the ease with which we all slip into the ‘boxes’ that society has created for us and the reminder that everyone can do it. Thank you for the alternate lens that you provide for viewing the world.

    Love you much!
    Mikey

  2. mrsbluemont Says:

    Gotta love Pride and gender bending! Great post. I need to catch up on your archives. Much love! ox

  3. Kelly B Says:

    v is an amazing person, even though i have never had the pleaseure to meet v…

    malachi just got his toenails painted… 🙂

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