Connie

 

I am so fed up with a co-worker right now that I have to vent.  I know a blogger is NOT supposed to write about work for fear of getting dooced, but I can’t keep this in.  I’m annoyed, not by how little she does (although she does do very little), not by her attitude when I expect something from her (although it’s always negative), but because she chooses the most important, most busy moments to completely break down. 

 

And then she refuses to complete the job at hand. 

 

And ultimately my other co-workers and my supervisor completely enable her temper tantrums.

They offer up all kinds of excuses for her from “She’s been here longer than any of us, we should respect that” to “Connie doesn’t multitask well.  Why do you have to overwhelm her?”

 

Typically, I ask another co-worker who has known Connie for years to go talk to her.  Lauren takes a few minutes one-on-one, coaxes her, bribes her – Honestly I have no idea what soft touch Lauren has that I lack, but typically Lauren convinces Connie to comply.

 
In this case, I had finished up a late night at the office and I had to be back at the office by 7:30 the next morning for a board meeting.  I needed a few things done before the board meeting and I started doing them about 8 PM.   My boss was here, but Lauren had already left.  I needed 20 copies of a one-page document before the board meeting the next day.  There was nobody to sweet-talk Connie who was pissed off that I had given her such short notice on a project. 

 

Okay, I’ll let you in on a little secret.  Connie is our copy machine.

 

Our copy machine who my boss and I had to take completely apart, use a nail file to get intimate with her girl parts and finally,  had to remove a tumor of wadded paper and coax her into doing the one thing in her job description – make copies.  Okay, she does faxes too, but not very well. 

 

And this is not the first time I have had to do this.

 

I think it is time for Connie to retire. 

 

Why do we make the testiest pickiest most incompliant objects in our life female?  I met Connie back in 2004 and she was already Connie.  But I imagine she didn’t become female until she started refusing to do her work.  Hmm.  Not very cool.  I think I’ll start calling HIM Conrad or Conway.

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5 Responses to “Connie”

  1. Chicory Says:

    How fancy is this Conrad? Do you really need Conrad to fax? Do you need stapling or sorting through sheafs of papers or collating? Because if you just need a plain black and white one page at a time copy machine I probably have one that you guys can have.

  2. DOUG Says:

    welcome to the work force. there’s a connie on ever job just be thank full your connie is a copy machine she can’t call houston ever time your 5 min late or slip off a few early for lunch or for get to turn off the caplock

    Doug

  3. Carrie Says:

    You had me going for few paragraphs…great post.

  4. Keri Says:

    You are the most clever girl I know. 🙂
    And that Connie? She’s a bitch!

  5. simpleexistence Says:

    I am with Keri. I don’t even know Connie, but I say she should be fired.

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