Our Evening Walks

I tried to make the title sound romantic and enticing.  But I have to be honest, our evening walks are usually more stressful than an evening walk ought to be.  Last night was particularly rough.

It started out well enough.  Riley ahead riding his bike all by himself without training wheels.  (*glowing with pride*), Kim pushing Casey on his tricycle with the adult helper handle.  Then, we saw it.  The cutest puppy you can ever imagine.  If I knew brand names breeds,  I’d tell ya, but I don’t.  All I know is that it was the cutest little puppy with golden red hair.  Actually there were several puppies with the Mommy dog and Casey hopped off his bike to get a snuggle in.  Riley too rallied around the excitement.  The owner then announced that the puppy was FREE and would be ready for a home in the next few weeks.  Riley started jumping up and down.  “Can we get it?  Can we get it?”  Kim also started jumping up and down, “Can we get it?  Can we get it?”  Casey started yelling, “Choc chock chet” which I can only imagine is his rendition of “Can we get it?”

No, of course we cannot get it, spoke the VOICE OF REASON, also known as Momma Ruth.  But truthfully, even my heart melted.  I felt like the puppy was meant to be a part of our family.  Her eyes connected with mine and it was like she was begging for me to give in.  I mumbled something about having to think about it and that we’d be back and the walk resumed.

Only the walk was now a philosophical discussion.  I’ve been having baby pangs lately.  (I really think my hormones are out of whack from sharing close quarters with my female officemates.) I can’t possible REALLY want another child.  Why would I want this?  I cannot keep up with the 2 that I have, yet my heartstrings are being pulled by babies everywhere.  Besides I know that we cannot keep up with, shuttle around, or afford another baby.  Suddenly the answer seemed to be in that puppy.  I could give love to an animal.  I realized on that walk why people have pets. 

But the VOICE OF REASON knows that we cannot take on another responsibility.  Not now, when there’s a dissertation looming, sucking us in, taunting us with its ever presence.  I cannot do anything anymore with Kim without feeling guilt overtake my every nerve because – she SHOULD BE writing her dissertation.

It’s like our life is suspended until this thing is complete.  We have conversations all the time that begin, “When you’re done with the dissertation, maybe we could….”   Put up a fence.  Make a carport.  Get a second income.  Pay off loans.  Get a puppy.  Go on vacation.  HAVE SOME PEACE. 

I know I sound like a selfish person inconvenienced by this little thing called my partner’s dream, but my resolve is wearing thin.  I know that Kim needs support more than ever before which is why this puppy cannot be.  Adding to our list of “to do”s is not going to help, is likely going to hurt, and certainly is not going to speed up the process. 

Consequently, as I was nursing my own broken heart, over the puppy who wouldn’t come home with us, and maintaining the need to be the VOICE OF REASON so not really allowing myself to be conflicted over the puppy, I totally YELLED at Riley over a slightly consequencial but totally not as big of a deal as I made it out to be thing.  We were getting ready to cross the street.  I said, “Cross now.”  He said, “I want to go this way.”  I yelled, “Cross now.”  He couldn’t gather himself together in time, a car starting coming, I grabbed him from his bike because he didn’t see the car.  He said, “You said cross now.”  I said something like, “You dilly dallied so long arguing with your mother that you made it unsafe to cross” and launched into a safety lecture and made him cry.

It really was all about the dog.

On another note, our walk the evening before was much more peaceful.  Casey had skipped his nap and couldn’t quite stay awake for the necessary trip to the grocery store to pick up coffee creamer and slim fast.  Enjoy the pic…



12 Responses to “Our Evening Walks”

  1. Keri Says:

    I’m glad you ended on a good note because this was terribly depressing. You actually had thoughts like, “the puppy was meant to be a part of our family”? What? Seriously – GET THE PUPPY! If anything, it’ll give you something to concentrate on other than the dissertation! 🙂 And puppies are MUCH easier than newborns and baby making.
    Or not.

  2. DOUG Says:

    you had a pup every kid needs a pet ( no not a gold fish)

    uncle Doug

  3. Eric Says:

    You know what I really, really hate? That it is *my* lot in this life to be THE VOICE OF REASON. I know exactly how you feel, because it makes us the baddies, even though we’re really not.

    ps: Casey is every bit as cute as Riley was at that age.

  4. Carrie Says:

    Puppies do not melt my heart but that pic of Casey, that was heart melting.

  5. Chicory Says:

    I can’t see the pic for some reason.

    I hate to argue with the voice of reason, but if you have a fenced yard (I can’t remember, but I seem to think there was a fence around your back yard) and you’re already going on evening walks then having a puppy isn’t really that much work. And we can lend you our kennel so you can kennel train for pottying (the easiest way to potty train).

    Of course, if you want a dog that is already potty trained, we’ve got one right here for you…

  6. Chicory Says:

    oh, wait, I see the picture now. Key-ute!

  7. political maven Says:

    a puppy is a big job….however it just may distract you AND your boys…..just think boys with the puppy in the back yard totally entertained and you also in the back yard sipping a dirty ho a watching…..Kim downstairs writing away……sounds nice yes?

  8. amy Says:

    cute, cute picture! i’m totally the voice of reason in our home too but just in case you were interested i thought i would add to what chicory was saying. the puppy will definitely require some work but the love you will get in return may be well worth the effort. just saying…

  9. jen Says:

    Ugh, I hate being the voice of reason.

    I would LOVE a sweetie puppy to cuddle. What keeps me strong? The idea of having to be invested in another member of the family’s bowels. It would be WORSE than the kids at this point, too, because I’d have to pick up warm dog poop and CARRY IT AROUND WITH ME IN A THIN PLASTIC BAG on those already-not-very-relaxing evening walks. Yuck.

  10. starrhillgirl Says:

    Um, I have 2, yes TWO, new kittens. Totally baby substitutes. Just sayin’…

    Good god your kid is cute.

  11. Kelly B Says:

    Lets talk about baby substitutes in the house on the hill(that would be mine)… we have a 5 year old, who is sometimes all the baby i can handle… there are 2 cats, one of which bob barker may slap me around about, and a genderqueer tortoise… i keep asking for either a puppy or a baby… and i keep getting shot down. 😦

  12. hannah Says:

    just wanted to agree with the *partner’s dream wearing thin* thing….and the baby lust……….. 🙂

    if i could blog like you, i think i’d feel a lot better! 🙂

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