Dad’s advice on getting rid of morning glory

My parents came to the big city this weekend to help my brother tear out his old leaky moldy bathroom and put in a new shiny mold-free bathroom.  My dad’s a real do-it-yourself-er.  He’s brilliant.  He can fix anything.  Jerry rig anything.  Accomplish anything.  He’s a gardener.  A xeroscaper.  A wine maker.  A plumber.  An electrician.  He sets tile.  He puts up drywall.  He knows how to do practically anything.  He’s a great guy to have around.

For example, last summer when we were getting our house ready to sell, our realtor mentioned that the bathroom door (with a giant gaping hole in it) looked like we had huge violent fights, and maybe we should fix that before we put the house on the market.  The truth was that Kim did kick in the door.  Although she claims she tapped it with her Doc Martin shoes on, and the “paper thin” door just crumbled.  I thought we were going to have to buy a new door.  Nope.  Dad showed us how to stuff the hollow door (it WAS paper thin) with crumpled old newspaper and then the newspaper provides enough resistance to putty the door.  Then you can spackle and paint.  No worse for wear really.

I guess I share all this because I want to give my dad some sort of authority.  I want you to understand why an independent woman in her mid-30s still asks Dad inane questions.  It’s because he ALWAYS has the answer.  Not just an answer – but the very best possible answer.

Yesterday I asked him if there was an easy way to get rid of morning glory without killing off my lawn.

This was his response.

“Yes.  There is a simple solution to this.  And it works every time.   All you have to do is this:  Dig up the morning glory.  And make sure you get each and every root.  These root systems can be complex and it seems they can be 20 foot long, so make sure you get it all.  Then you have to gather the plants including all the roots and pour gasoline on them.  Then light a match.  Burn that pile of morning glory.  Once it is all ashes, you have to pick up the ashes.  You have to eat the ashes  – all of them – and then…. don’t shit.  I’m telling you, it works every time.”

“That simple huh?” I responded.

I wonder what his advice would be on how to finish a dissertation?


5 Responses to “Dad’s advice on getting rid of morning glory”

  1. kim Says:

    thank you for posting this – i’ve been laughing about it all day long. and it’s such practical advice that it should be shared with the world. but the whole fixing the door thing – that really was genius!

  2. Kelly B Says:

    perhaps for the dissertation you have to put all f the research and books in a pile, pour gasoline over them, light a match…. then eat the ashes and #### on the table in front of all the people you have to defend it to…??

    sounds good to me.

  3. Kelly B Says:

    sorry i swore.


  4. Carrie Says:

    I believe the morning glory advice was passed on from his dad. Good advice tends to be shared.

  5. dad Says:

    Not only my dad, but his dad.

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