I had a vagina prior to my annual exam, does that constitute a pre-existing condition?

In the past 3 days, I have spent more than 6 hours dealing with my health insurance.  First I was on the phone with my doctor getting my medical records.  Then on the phone with my insurance (who will remain nameless but is ultimately a piece of shit insurance company).  I also had to gather all my receipts, and write an appeal because my insurance is certain that I am full of pre-existing conditions. 

The girl young woman who answered the phone when I called my insurance, who I really shouldn’t be mad at, because she has no power, probably just follows a script, and probably only makes $10 an hour anyway, was trying to help me understand the need for a pre-existing condition clause.  But her rationale just made me angrier. 

Her scenario went like this, “This is important because, like, what if, a person like got cancer and then like didn’t have insurance.  So they, like, then, decided to get a job to have insurance, and like don’t you see that the insurance company shouldn’t have to pay for that?”

Me:  “But the dude has cancer?”

Her:  “Yes, but like -it like – isn’t our fault.”

Me: “Who is looking out for the little guy?”

Her: “Huh?  Like, what do you mean?”

Me: “Never mind.  What do you need from me in order to pay this claim?  Lets just problem solve this here and now.”

Her: “Like why did you go to the doctor?”

Me: “It was for a pap smear. ”

Her: “oh gosh.  oh my goodness?”  (Really, are the words pap smear off limits?  Because this is another woman I’m talking to?)

Me:  “Let me put this in a way that you can understand.  LIKE, the only pre-existing condition that LIKE existed was LIKE that I LIKE had a vagina prior to my regularly scheduled annual exam.  LIKE, does that mean LIKE you won’t pay for it?”

For the first time in the entire conversation, she seemed to understand.  Her response – and I swear this is LIKE verbatim.  “Like, this shouldn’t be a problem to pay.  Its just that all your claims are going to be denied now because like, all your claims are going to be pre-existing until January.  It’s just like how we do things.  So, like, just have your doctor show that it was your regular annual and we’ll like pay for it.  We will.”

We’ll LIKE see won’t we?

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7 Responses to “I had a vagina prior to my annual exam, does that constitute a pre-existing condition?”

  1. Keri Says:

    You make me pee.
    I miss you.

  2. Carrie Says:

    Like, great post. I had a dealing with someone similar but with, like, a heavy Mexican accent. Lucky I like, have experience with like, that accent.

  3. Sedalb Says:

    Yet another reason to vote Obama. From the last debate, I gather that he wants to eliminate the whole pre-existing nonsense. I just wish he wasn’t after my guns. Us hill-billy folk tend to cling to them and religion don’t you know…

  4. Kelly Says:

    im feeling you… though not in your pre-exsisting condition area….

  5. tonya cinnamon Says:

    like oh my gosh lol….:D

  6. Amy B Says:

    I think you should tell the insurance company to go to H*ll…pre- exsisting condition my @ss. Hope everything works out ok

  7. vaginas and dicks and boobs oh my « Qweird Utah Says:

    […] would happen to my vagina ever since mid-October when I first chronicled her plight in the war Vagina Vs. Insurance.  Well you’ll be happy to know that I WON.  Or, more importantly, my insurance has […]

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