The Buzz

I have drunk ants in my house and it is my brother’s fault.

I haven’t written in awhile but before I go on and on about how busy it’s been, I think I should make up some new excuse like how my computer hasn’t been working well lately because of years of spyware and cookies that need deleted and obsolete programs that needed removed. So my techie-nerd-totally smart-and smashing-but already married- brother agreed to help me out.

Two weekends ago while I was discovering that I am WAY TOO OLD for VEGAS, my brother spent his entire Sunday working on my computer. Yesterday, I found a bud light can under my computer desk. A very precise and straight trail of ants led me to the beer can. A TRAIL OF ANTS LED ME TO THE BEER CAN! The ants that traveled all the way from the patio door to the computer just to get a couple of drops of 3.2 beer. Which leads me to ponder – how much alcohol does it take to give an ant a buzz?

I noticed the ants were in a totally straight line on the way to the beer, but were definitely failing the sobriety test on the path around and away from the beer.

And there was one little ant, standing off on its own as if preaching to the other ants “No, don’t do it. Don’t drink from the poison that’s in the can. It is only a deterrent (deter ant) to the work we must do here in our colony. Winter is coming. It’s time to prepare.”

But the other ants ignored the preacher ant’s warnings. And sure enough, the giant arrived and stomped those lazy-beer drinking ants then removed the dripping yeasty joy that led them there to begin with. I The giant stomped the naysayer ant too.

But I felt such comfort. There were hundreds of ants (maybe thousands) and they all appeared (with the exception of the one naysayer ant) to be drinking (or having drunk) the beer. If we count the ants, maybe beer drinkers are in the majority even in this state. Could it be we outnumber the teetotalers a million to one?

Minus the few hundred (or thousand) ants that aren’t with us anymore….


5 Responses to “The Buzz”

  1. Carrie Says:

    Drunk ants and it’s brother’s fault….what is my fault?

  2. dad Says:

    I saw a drunk pig once.

  3. Keri Says:

    You are so funny.

  4. The other Says:

    Party on!
    Just a thought: all the ants died the same death, but only one wasn’t having fun.

  5. Kelly Says:

    perhaps them being drunk took the sting out of being squished… the naysayer… well he prolly just deserved it… prohibition didnt work back in the day… doubtful it would work now.

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