Sharing the KimJoy

So I’ve been as bad about writing for Q as I have been about writing for U. But this month I managed to put together my swan song – a note to Kimmie – for the love and support for the last 13 years. So here you go, my last Q column “Sharing the KimJoy.”

I’ve said before that if I knew how to have a nervous breakdown, I would. Some days, it feels like the only reason I haven’t already is that it is just another thing I am incompetent at accomplishing. Much like many details of my life, I just can’t get to it. Perhaps, a nervous breakdown does sound like a nice vacation, although I would rather prefer my break from reality to be on a beach in warm weather, a padded room where I can rock freely does have its appeal. So it sits, on my unfinished to do list – have a nervous breakdown – right next to – get prescription cost reimbursed – and return library books.
Of course I’m only joking, still I feel a rush of guilt just writing this, as if someday my boys will read this and realize that Mommy Ruth didn’t cherish every moment of their childhood like I am supposed to. Kim, on the other hand, has just as many things on her to-do list (probably more since item number 1 reads, write a dissertation), and she trudges through them one at a time, never letting on that there are other things she’d rather be doing. She makes cooking, and laundry, and dishes and gardening fun. She literally whistles while she works, and the boys line up – wanting to help. She makes them feel important. Casey’s grin of accomplishment when he does something as simple as matching a pair of socks when helping with laundry is the only reward she needs. I can only hope that I make them feel important too. It just isn’t as natural for me.
The truth is that I do cherish every moment of the boys’ childhood and that is part of the reason that I cannot get everything done. And I am getting better – much better – at letting the things that don’t really matter, sit. Those are the things that will be there tomorrow. As much as I’ve enjoyed writing this column the last couple of years, time is the commodity I just don’t have enough of, and so, for me, for now, I’m going to let this sit too. But I have a small piece of unfinished business I first need to attend to.
I started writing this column right after Casey was born, and when Riley was a cross-dressing pre-schooler. Casey is now a pre-schooler himself and Riley is ruling the second grade in traditional dress. I’ve written about the joy, the fun, the lessons, and the lives of those boys, I’ve written about being queer in Utah, I’ve written about schooling and working, activism and life, but I don’t recall ever really writing about Kim. She, like is often the case, blends into the background of many of these essays. She’s the one in class who isn’t the first to talk, or even the second, or even the third. But when she speaks, she has something important to say, and the babbling verbal processors like me at the front of the class really should listen more. I’ve decided that this is going to be my last column, and it is only fitting to dedicate it to Kim, for without her, I wouldn’t have been able to write these vignettes the last few years.
For those of you who don’t know her, Kim has worked tirelessly to complete a Ph.D in education while never putting her family behind her work, her school or her research. She has mastered the evening routine, of cook – eat – clean – bathe – homework – boys to bed – and then she starts in on her own to-do list. She doesn’t sleep nearly enough as she should and she doesn’t get nearly as much respect and thanks as she deserves. She’s a teacher and a learner and a motivator and a believer. Did I mention that she cute and sexy and sassy besides? I myself am considering going back to school next year once Kim is finished with her program. What a role model I have to follow for I can only hope I keep my priorities and values in line as well as she has. Next month we will be celebrating 13 years together – Kim’s favorite number – so the boys and I are excited to make this year even better than the last 12.
So while the family seems to be at the end of a very long race, if all goes well, I’ll be starting the marathon all over again. But I know I will have the easier path, for I have Kim running alongside, whistling with joy, and reminding me to have fun. Thank you.

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5 Responses to “Sharing the KimJoy”

  1. Carrie Says:

    Kim is the best thing that ever happened to you. Love you Kim! (and Ruth)

  2. Doug Says:

    well you e-mail us once in awhile and let us know whats going on Doug

  3. kim Says:

    carrie – you’re so right! love you too 🙂

  4. Judith Says:

    You two inspire me to believe in love again. You are an amazing duo and da boys are amazing. YES, my friend and colleague deserves much respect for I know what it feels to be in this F***** process…Much love to you Familia H-P 😉

  5. Sheri Says:

    We sure miss you guys!! Kim you are so much like Stephen so I know how truly lucky Ruth is. Ruth, you are not seriously stopping Qweird, right? You are my favorite author! Don’t leave me!

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